What to Do When People Utterly Disappoint You by Kathy DeGraw

By Kathy DeGraw
We all have standards in which we try to live to exude excellence and purity. We also have expectations that we want to see manifested in other people. But what happens when those expectations aren't meant? How do we deal with the downfall or the repetitive behaviors people exhibit that doesn't meet our expectations? I remember years ago, a person in my life not living up to the spiritual walk I desired for them. I am seldom tolerant of a person's lack of spiritual growth and pressing through to their breakthrough.
What to Do When People Utterly Disappoint You by Kathy DeGraw
 
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We all have standards in which we try to live to exude excellence and purity. We also have expectations that we want to see manifested in other people.
 
But what happens when those expectations aren't meant? How do we deal with the downfall or the repetitive behaviors people exhibit that doesn't meet our expectations?
 
I remember years ago, a person in my life not living up to the spiritual walk I desired for them. I am seldom tolerant of a person's lack of spiritual growth and pressing through to their breakthrough. I think of all Jesus has done for us and the wonderful love that God our Father has towards us and I simply can't understand why someone wouldn't want to give all they have.
 
Therefore, I struggled with this person, not attempting to break passivity and laziness in their spiritual walk off of their life. Constant excuses and a false contentment kept them happy with where they weren't. But, as a prophetic person, I saw their potential. I saw their destiny, not their history and that put a burden on my heart for them to change and walk in their full God-given potential and destiny.
 
I struggled with this burden for two years. I have an apostolic overseer in my life and I discussed the situation with Him. His first piece of wisdom was that Jesus carried the burden at the cross. Therefore, it wasn't my burden to carry.
 
This piece of wisdom has assisted me not only in this situation but many others in life. If I carry the burden in an unhealthy and unproductive way, then I am saying what Jesus did at the cross I didn't completely accept because I am carrying something He already carried. We can have a good burden that leads us to repentance and intercession for a person, but this burden led me to heaviness, burden-bearing and carrying emotions that I shouldn't.
 
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The next piece of advice I received from my overseer was that this person was not my responsibility. He said, "One day, you will stand before God and give an account and this person will also stand before God and give an account. You will be responsible for your life and they will be responsible for their life." He instructed me to do everything I could to live the best life and not burden bear in a negative way for this person.
 
After some time of meditation, I discovered I took on false responsibility and disappointment. I took on responsibility for their spiritual walk that was not mine. As I minister internationally, I think the majority of people do that as I hear them complain and become frustrated with the lack of spiritual ambition and drive in their children and spouses.
 
We take on the responsibility and think it is our job to make them pursue Jesus. We can't make them pursue Jesus, but we can lead and guide by example. There have been times in my family where people weren't where I wanted them to be spiritually. However, I led by example.
 
I would pray and worship in my living room, read my Bible in front of them (not audibly). Living a life devoted to God and them seeing me walk in hot pursuit of God became contagious in my home. Now my adult children, including one who had rebellious and wanted nothing to do with being a pastor's kid, get up early and read their Bible, pray and worship.
 
People will disappoint us. They won't always meet and live up to our expectations. It could be a family member, friend or ministry leader. People will fall. I'm not claiming or proclaiming that I am simply stating a fact. We cannot take in that disappointment. We need to dismiss it instead of entertaining it. When we allow it to take root, it can develop into a burden we weren't meant to carry, a heaviness that weighs us down. Jesus carried the burden, so we don't have to.
 
How do we move forward when people don't meet our expectations and disappoint us? We give it and them to Jesus. If necessary, we do it daily until we feel the release.
 
People and situations are not your responsibility. Disappointment is not a burden you are meant to carry. Dismiss any false responsibility, learn to focus on yourself and as you do, the people around you will change.
 
Kathy DeGraw
 

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