Have you noticed that the older you get, the more you reflect on life and what it means? Many are careful to ponder things, learn from past mistakes, and see the positive in any situation...and that's a good thing. But it is human nature to surround ourselves with people who tell us what we "want to hear" rather than what we "need to hear." Let me add here that I can't help but notice that my greatest growth has come by not only listening to sound wisdom, but also to what was a hard word. Too often we discard wisdom from others because it hurts, and as a result we fail to benefit from it.
The people in my life who have helped me the most are not the twenty cheerleaders who regularly cheer me on but rather the one or two who have a track record of wisdom and actually speak the truth without holding back. Initially, I am not attracted to those people. To be perfectly honest, I would much rather hang with those who make me feel good about myself. But when I humble myself and receive their wisdom I break old barriers and take new ground. Strongholds and mindsets are then broken and as a result, I become more "Christ-like" and mature. It is then that I am better prepared for God to use me.
My Enemy can be My Friend
Over the years even my harshest critics - those who have caused severe pain, have helped me. The truth is, "My enemy can be my friend" if I humble myself and ask God, "Is there any wisdom in what they are saying?" "Are you trying to work through them to change my character? If so, show me the truth and help me to be willing to learn from this experience." At that point I am open to the gentle revelations of the Holy Spirit, to transform my heart and change my character into the likeness of Christ.
We all have friends, but what really makes a good friend? All true friends share a common quality - they are not afraid to speak the truth or bring up an unpopular subject. Because of their boldness and willingness to share their hearts with me I have, more than once, been prevented from making a shipwreck of my life. They may not have always communicated things tactfully, but I knew they meant well and wanted God's best for me. How foolish I would've been had I walked away because their words made me uncomfortable. Today I have great respect for the wisdom that was birthed through the fire of a "word in season."
Today we live in a society that is passive and embraces everyone and everything. Few today feel comfortable confronting someone. We would rather be liked and tell them what they want to hear to win their approval, but we must realize that real love speaks the truth even if it hurts, especially if prompted by the Holy Spirit.
We are to "admonish one another with all wisdom" (Col. 3:16). In the Dictionary of the New Testament Colin Brown defines admonition: "To exert influence upon another (by life and word) to guide him/her into obedience of God's will as revealed in Scripture. It consists of reminding, warning, counseling, correcting, reproving, and rebuking a person with the intention that he/she will carry it out." Chip Ingram, President of Walk Thru the Bible says, "Admonition is God's antibiotic for the church; done Biblically, it is the most loving thing you can do...for all concerned."
Blinded by our Faults
We are often blinded to our own faults, whether we pretend they are not there, don't see them at all, or are simply unwilling to come to terms with them. That's why God specifically places others in our lives to help us see the blind spots, so we can become all God intends us to be.
"Who can discern his errors?" asks David. "Acquit me of hidden faults" (Psalms 19:12 NASB). Building relationships with other wise Christians provides an opportunity for us to grow and exposes areas of sin or struggle while illuminating the blind spots we do not see. Habits, sin, and weaknesses can easily destroy our lives or place us on a road that may take years to recover from. True love will provide a safe place where we speak into each others' lives. What greater gift of love can we give? "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Prov. 27:17)
Once I graduated from Bible College my folks generously offered me the chance to speak nearly every other Sunday morning in my father's pulpit. At times I would preach a series of messages, three weeks in succession. Knowing this was precious gift I did not take it lightly. Even today I can't get over such a rare act of kindness. After Dad and Mom would take me aside to encourage me, telling me how proud they were. Then they would offer suggestions on how to improve.
I am so thankful that my parents were brutally honest with me and that I did not allow pride or an unteachable spirit to rob me of the precious gift of wisdom they gave me.
Because of those opportunities and their mentoring I was able to grow and improve my skills. It wasn't always easy when they corrected me, but I knew that, more than anything, they loved me and wanted God's best for me. Looking back, I praise God that they cared enough to speak the truth even when it hurt. I would not be where I am today without my parents' wise input, and I honor them for their love and boldness in speaking into my life.
Obedient in the Small Things
I believe that often Christians abort their spiritual development when things get tough and uncomfortable, but those who persevere will become partakers with Christ in their holy calling. The deeper life requires humility, unusual obedience and a crucifixion of the flesh, but as we yield in this area we are resurrected through the power of the Holy Spirit into a deeper walk with Christ. And not only that but He knows He can trust us with more responsibility when the time comes, because we were obedient in the small things.
It is not always easy to speak truth into the life of someone you love. We worry about damaging the relationship, causing permanent wounds. We might even ask, "What if my friend misunderstands me and gets angry or hurt?" At that point we must pray for wisdom, asking God to speak through us. But regardless of the discomfort on both sides of a confrontation, if it is a spirit-led urge rather than a fleshly one, we dare not ignore God's command to confront, but we should also do it in love, encouraging our brothers toward greater depths of relationship with God. And no matter how painful confrontation is, its end result can be healing and wisdom if received in the right spirit. In fact, the Bible says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy" (Prov. 27:6).
Speaking the truth in love doesn't mean we can't speak the hard truth or that we must hide the facts, or cover up sin. Over the years God has used difficult people to file down the rough spots in my flesh, rooting out blind spots and weaknesses. In truth I've learned more from those difficult people than from those who have patted me on the back. It has not always been easy to receive, and at times I've even run from those people. In the end, however, it was clear that those tough words were the means by which God transformed me into the maturing man of God He wanted me to be. "We are his workmanship" (Eph 2:10), and God uses others, even our enemies to conform us into the image of our Lord. May we humble ourselves and receive these lessons, refusing to take another walk around Mt. Sinai until we learn our lesson. If we have teachable spirits we will, like joyful, obedient children, learn from whatever tutor our Father chooses, knowing we will ultimately, bear the peaceful fruit of righteousness and reflect the character of our wonderful Lord.
Dear Precious Lord, I humble my heart before You. Make me soft and pliable, willing to listen to the wisdom of others. Use them to cut away my flesh and reveal my blind spots so I can grow and become all You want me to be. I am the clay in the Potter's hands... mold me into a vessel of honor fit for your use. Thank You for always having my best interest at heart. Amen.
Steve Porter
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