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So many church's and people differ on the subject of divorce.  Some divorce for any old reason why others believe there is no way out of a marriage.  The fact is many Christians are divorced which leaves questions about it like is it really permitted at all. 

Years back I heard the story of one man who was faced with divorce in a church that did not look on it favorably.  It was a charismatic Word of Faith type church but many in the church believed there was no way out of a marriage. 

Basically what had happened was the man's wife had had an affair with his best friend; she became pregnant from this affair.  He found out about the affair and her pregnancy and wanted to file for divorce.  She was not repentant for her sin and didn't see much wrong with it.  In any case when people in his church found out they spoke up.  They condemned the man for wanting a divorce.  They told him that God hates divorce and if he chose to divorce he had a hard heart and was going to hell.  They said he had to raise his best friend's child that his wife was pregnant with and that was what God wanted him to do.  Some of these same people were divorced themselves who gave him this advice.

He listened to them and believed that God was going to send him to hell if he didn't do it and believed that God was as hard and mad at him as they portrayed.  So he took his wife back and raised the child as his own.  The real father ran off and hid so he adopted the child.  His wife continued to live life her way.  She continued to cheat on him and do very ungodly things all the time.  When he brought that up to the people at his church they only condemned him all the more saying it was his fault that she did what she did and that if he was more loving then she would change.  They again said he could not leave her or he had a hard heart and was going to hell.  This went on for several years.  In the end she cheated for the last time and he finally left her.  But even so some people still condemned him.  This whole situation really hurt him and clouded his view of Christians and the church, it hurt his faith as well. 

What does the Bible Say?

I can't imagine how anyone can condemn a man who could go through that, raise that child and stay with a spouse like that but they did over and over.  I can tell you they were wrong and they were also wrong about what they told him about there being no way out of a marriage.  The Bible does give ways out. 

What does the Bible say about divorce then and why did they tell him he couldn't divorce if the Bible permits it?

The Bible says in Matthew 19:8-9 (NIV) Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.  I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." 

According to Christ, divorce is permitted in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.  It is written plain as day and pretty self-explanatory or at least one would think.  However some argue that verse eight says "because your hearts were hard." They go on to say that a person who divorces because of adultery has a hard heart and people with a hard heart are sinners and are going to hell.  Some people actually believed that but know that that is intentionally manipulating scripture and taking things out of context.  In context the "hard hearts" was referring to people who divorced under "Mosses law" for any old reason. This did not pertain to adultery as why would Christ then continue on and say "except of marital unfaithfulness."  It is clear that if someone commits adultery you can chose to divorce.  It may not be the best option or wise but it is permissible.  Some may say wait a minute won't you be in sin for un-forgiveness? The truth is you can divorce someone for adultery and still forgive them.  The divorce doesn't mean that you aren't going to forgive them it just means that the marriage contract was breached!  It means you can't trust them anymore to stay faithful.  Unfaithfulness can cause all kinds of problems such as children who are not biologically yours, disease and a whole lot of conflict.  It also defeats the whole purpose of marriage which is to become one flesh. 

God is a God of Reconciliation

Don't get me wrong here I am not for divorce, there can be hope and change in situations involving adultery, God is a God of reconciliation, meaning He wants things to be worked out if possible.  However the advice that people gave the man in my story was wrong and God is not pleased by people who twist around scripture and take things out of context to control people. Divorce is permitted for cases of adultery and that is that.  One other way you can look at is if someone commits adultery it is their heart that is hard not the victims heart.

There is one other reason divorce is permitted according to scripture and that is if your spouse leaves you. 

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:15 (NIV) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

In this passage Paul was referring to an unbelieving spouse who is not willing to stay in the marriage.  If that happens then a divorce is permitted. As you can't force someone to stay married to you.  That is the only other known reason for divorce in the Bible.  But you know something the church is filled with divorced people many who have remarried.  I know that there are some who divorced for other reasons than the ones that I mentioned.  Some of them spend their lives always wondering if they are in sin having gone through with their divorce.  I tell you divorce is not an unforgivable sin.  If you have gone through a divorce and it was questionable God still loves you.  He will forgive you.  You are not a monster, you are human.  We all make mistakes and things don't always go as planned.  Let your past go and move on, God still cares for you.  In cases of abuse I also believe you can get a divorce, you can't stay with someone who is trying to kill you.

If you can, always choose to try and reconcile with your spouse; people and situations can change.  You never know what God will do if you give Him the chance.  But divorce is permitted in the Bible.  A Christian can divorce and even if you didn't divorce for Biblical reasons God forgives.  Divorced Christians are loved by the Lord just as much as ones are not divorced. 

Adam Becker

www.elishaserves.com

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