The world can be a cruel place
sometimes and people can be at the heart of it.
We all have been wronged and hurt by others. We all have had opportunity to need to
forgive. The Bible is clear on
forgiveness, we need to forgive. But how and what does forgiveness look like?
The Bible says; Matthew 18:23-35 (NIV) Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king
who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement,
a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not
able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all
that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 The
servant fell on his knees before him. "Be patient with me," he begged, "and I
will pay back everything." 27 The servant's master took pity on him, canceled
the debt and let him go. 28 But when that servant went out, he found one of his
fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to
choke him. "Pay back what you owe me!" he demanded.
29 His
fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, "Be patient with me, and I
will pay you back."
30 But he
refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could
pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were
greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 Then
the master called the servant in. "You wicked servant," he said, "I canceled
all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn't you have had mercy
on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" 34 In anger his master turned him
over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 This
is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your
brother from your heart.
Forgiving a Debt
In the story the man owed a very
large debt a debt he could never repay. Even though he owed that debt the man
was forgiven. The king had the power to punish him but instead wiped the debt
clean. The man was forgiven for so much
but then we see he could not forgive someone for so little. The king saw this man's un-forgiveness and
chose to revoke his pardon.
This story gives us a lot to chew
on. It is obvious that the king is the
Lord and we are the first debtor. What is hard to imagine is how God can just
revoke the forgiveness of our sins like that.
I can't give you a solid answer on that and don't want to for
theological reasons but if Christ said it then it must have some merit. God forgives freely, by just accepting His
sons atonement and sacrifice on the cross you are forgiven. But once you are
saved, if you are truly saved your life will start to change. The Bible says 1 John 3:9-10 (NIV) No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's
seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.
10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the
devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is
anyone who does not love his brother.
This has to do with being born
again; once you come to Christ the Holy Spirit will come to live within you
that is the seed that verse nine is referring to. That seed begins to change you. The word continue in verse nine refers to
habitual sins. So in other words once
you come to Christ the Holy spirit comes to live within you and it changes you
to where you won't do the same stuff you always did anymore. There will be a change in your life. Sure you
will make mistakes but it won't be the same mistakes over and over. Maybe that
is the reason the man's forgiveness was revoked. He proved by his actions that he was not a
changed man and thus not a true child of God.
If you look at the story it kind
of gives you a clue of what forgiveness looks like. The man wanted to be
repaid; he felt something was owed to him.
The debt demanded restitution. A
clue that you have forgiven is that you wish no repayment or restitution. Yes, true forgiveness has to do with letting
the debt go. Wanting repayment or restitution can come in many forms. Wanting
them to get theirs is a form of repayment.
Even wanting God to judge them and saying things like "vengeance is mine
saith the Lord" or "that's between you and God" are all indications that you
are looking for repayment. The repayment
may collected by God but it is still collection of the debt a debt that was
already paid for by Christ. Slandering the person to others in order to hurt
them is also seeking restitution. And
bitterness can likewise be a form of repayment.
Forgiving All
There are schools of thought that
teach that we are to forgive only those who ask for it and are sorry. I can only say something doesn't feel right
about that. The Bible doesn't tell us to
forgive only if people are truly sorry; there are some verses about if they
repent but I don't want to take that risk.
We need to forgive whether they are sorry or not. When they crucified Christ they did not say
they were sorry yet Jesus cried out;
Luke 23:34 (NIV) Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are
doing.
It can be hard to forgive when
the person is not sorry or feels they have done no wrong but we must do it
anyway. I am sure there are sins that we
don't even know we have committed yet our slate is wiped clean. Wipe clean the slate of the offender no
matter what their attitude is. You don't
have to like what they did and you don't have to trust them but let it go. Pardon their wrong doing and seek no
restitution, harbor no bitterness especially if it's a spouse. Also know that God loves that person and He
can change them, there is hope. I watched Him work in my life and my wife's
life, It may take a while but don't forget God is a miracle worker. It may not be easy but few things in life
are.
Forgiveness is work we can't hold
on to and dwell on a debt or wrong that was done to us especially in a
marriage. When you are offended or wronged don't dwell on it and don't give the
devil a foot hold.
Dealing with offense and
forgiveness is like dealing with temptation;
The Bible says in James 1:14-15 NKJV But each one is tempted when, by his own evil
desire, he is dragged away and enticed, then, after desire has conceived, it
gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
An Ongoing Process
Forgiveness is an ongoing
process, just like temptation that offense will keep coming back over and
over. Just when you think it is gone it
may pop its ugly head out again. With
temptation you can't be tempted by something you don't have a desire for or
appetite for. Then after you desire it
and think on it you become dragged away and enticed by it. After you let it drag you away it conceives
and gives birth to sin. Well that can be
the same with forgiveness. An offense
that you don't have feelings or hurts about will not drag you away. You have to still have some pretty
significant wounds for it to do that.
Then after the wound is there thoughts will come. If you entertain those thoughts they will
drag you away and you will give birth to wanting repayment all over again. Forgiveness is not an instant thing. Whenever there is a wound or hurt it will
want to keep coming up in your mind but you must cut it short so it can't drag
you away. Don t get to that point, the
minute it comes up let it go, rebuke the thought. I had to do that over and over in my marriage
and in my life. It is so natural to want
revenge and to be repaid, even to want justice.
But the truth is if we all received do justice no one would be alive, we
are all worthy of the death penalty for the wrongs we have done. I sure don't want to get mine or have what
comes around go around so why should I wish it on others.
You must also remember to that the person who has wronged you is human
and you are human. People are prone to
error and making mistakes, they are prone to do things that are selfish
with no regard for others. Human nature will always be a tempter to
mankind and sometimes will win just as it has won in your life. Face the fact that you have made a lot of
mistakes in your life and yet the Lord has forgiven you. Just as He has forgiven you you will need to
forgive others. Know that people are
going to let you down, you could hold un-forgiveness towards that person and
even get revenge but guess what someone else is going to come along and let you
down again. In your lifetime you will
have many encounters with people in which they will hurt you in some way. If you don't choose forgiveness and see
people for what they are which is human you will have a very unhappy life and a
long list of enemies. Humans make
mistakes don't hold it against them.
Chose to forgive and clothe
yourself in love as the Bible says;
Col 3:12-14 (NIV) Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe your selves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and
patience. Bear with each other and
forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the
Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these
virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Forgiveness doesn't always mean
trusting them but it does mean not holding it against them in order to hurt
them, chose to forgive! One of the key
indicators that you have forgiven is not wishing that they receive repayment or
punishment for what they did to you, according to that have you forgiven? If you are holding un-forgiveness repent,
there is still time to change things. There is hope in any situation no wound
is so great as to be un-forgiven, if everyone received punishment for all the
wrong they did then everyone in the world would be dead, Christ died for even
them that have wronged you and He took
their punishment. And most importantly
ask for Gods help in forgiving someone.
Ask the Lord to take away the hurt and fill it with love. Forgiveness is a process and takes work, stay
on top of your hurts and don't let them carry you away.
Adam Becker
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