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Integrity & Follow Through:  A Personal Experience

I remember a promise I made in the Presence of God that was VERY costly to keep. I was a fairly new Christian getting ready to begin my second year of ministry training. I had received a clear call to the prophetic office through a vision and subsequent confirming experiences. Although that call was yet to unfold I had already begun preaching, winning souls, and writing my convictions for our college newspaper. This was taking place in the denominational setting I was raised in.

During that time, I was offered a small scholarship for the next 2 years of college (I had & needed many scholarships as one who began attending a fully accredited private Christian College at the age of 27 with no savings). The awards totaled $1000 total for the 2 years, but there was a condition. For every year I received this scholarship I had to agree that after graduation I would serve one of "their churches" for the same amount of time (2 yrs. total). This was no problem, after all: I was from one of "their" churches, was in one of "their" schools, and was beginning to minister in some of "their" churches. This seemed to me a no-brainer.

Several months later, in prayer during the fourth day of an extended fast, all the sudden the Holy Spirit came upon me in a way I'd never before experienced and I began to speak in tongues. This immediately led to the release of prophetic and other spiritual gifts as well. To make a long story short it was NOT the way to express your spirit or ministry in that environment. It led to my eventual exit from the school in favor of a Christian academic environment on the other side of the country which I found to be more approving and accepting of my personal spiritual experience and understanding, as well as helpful in understanding matters of the Spirit.

Still, I remembered that promise. And although I told no one of it (probably hoping it wouldn't work out), I did tell the Lord, "God, you know what I agreed to. I will honor it if you make a way."  Although I had released all my connections to that group, my family was connected to them and I kept my relationships with my family and my original home church as open as I could, although to do either or both at times were quite difficult.

Preparing in Prayer

Six years after leaving that first school I found myself finishing a second graduate degree at Fuller Seminary, and I received a visit from my original home church Pastor (who was out from Ohio nearby in CA). He came to Pasadena and met me for breakfast. He told me of a small church of my original denomination that had come under his oversight through the district polity. He offered me the opportunity to lead this very small, struggling group of believers who had suffered a split about 4 years previous. He was (is) a Spirit-filled man; he knew my experience. He saw it to be no problem for them, him or me. This group of believers, in addition to a very painful split had also suffered the continued instability of having several "temporary leaders" during their past 3 years as well. In the Seminary this was what was known as a "Pastor's graveyard." But after a brief discussion of logistics and provision I agreed to go there. In fact, the Holy Spirit had been preparing in prayer: even witnessing to me that I would have that very opportunity several months before.

I had previously preached there during that time while visiting Ohio & saw a group of about 30 present & had (carnally) thought, "someone might be able to do something with this situation."  Then it became my opportunity. My new Overseer asked for a 2 year commitment and we began making plans for my transition.

When I arrived I found that the 30 I had met during my previous visit had been reduced to 7, and I was one of the 7. I set-up living and working quarters in the largest room at the end of the facility farthest away from the worship area and went to work. Being fresh in from southern California, I was in a bit of a shock. The town (they called it a city) was the county seat (& by far the most populated area in the county) at just over 6,000 people. When people there exchanged telephone numbers they only used the last 4 digits (the 1st 3#'s were the same for everyone). After being in Los Angeles & Orange counties for 6 years you can imagine how my head spun for a while.

Casting a Vision

After a few weeks of trying to "recapture" those who had left (at the request of those who had been abandoned), I began setting my sights on casting a vision (which we desperately needed if we weren't going to perish). But these 6 (who by then were 12) were in so much pain over what they had been through the last few years they couldn't hear how they could be an active part of anything other than trying to recapture the past. By then I was beginning to hurt a bit, too, so we set out to preach wholeness in Christ, something that He had been teaching me during the last few years during my own personal pain. We began employing the grace of God to not only help us heal but open our eyes to see. But it sure seemed that not much was being seen except through my eyes.

By my 6th month we were beginning to get the notice of some people who related to my writings for the newspaper and twice weekly local radio messages. We had increased in number to 24. But those whom I'd inherited were not too open to those who were now coming in. They weren't intentionally scornful, just that rejected people reject people. I began to hear from newcomers what was repeated over and over again during my 29 months there: "Pastor Bill, We really relate to you and the message, but we don't relate to these people."

To make a long story short: we made it to 35, only to return to 7 once again. We repeated this scenario not once, not twice, but 3 times in 2 years. Each time it was the same story. After going through over 100 people in a town of 6,000 where there were 75 other churches (can you believe it?) I was at the end of all I could imagine. We had baptized, coffee housed, Bible studied, home cell grouped, and prayed our way through the whole community. At least that's the way it felt.

Well, on the 2 year anniversary of my first message as "Pastor," the Holy Spirit spoke to me during my final preparations before the morning meeting started and said: "I want you to resign this morning." I then remembered my vow, and was reminded that He had never forgotten it (or me either….HALLELUJAH!) Although I ended-up staying another 5 months to help things transition, that morning's ministry marked the fulfillment of the promise I had made to God. By His grace I had honored those who had given me a very small amount of assistance (financially speaking) toward my education.

As I said: by the time I'd been there only a few weeks I was beginning to hurt a bit, but at the end of those 29 months I wanted to find a cave somewhere and hide for the next 2 years But looking back, I thank God for that experience which ended 19 years ago. Why?

Setting Boundaries

During my time there I had many personal rejections, but they helped me understand some ways in which I was setting myself up for them. As a result, I began to set some personal boundaries which have stayed with me to this day (& I desperately needed them). Also, while I was there the denomination wouldn't ordain me (although God & the Pastor that set me in already had). I now understand this to be not only because they were scared of the spiritual gifts, but intimidated by an education, which gave me the ability to explain and teach about what God had given to His Church in the charismatic experience, the Prophetic and even the Apostolic.

Additionally, in my heart, I had mistakenly blamed the members for congregational failures, only to be corrected by God concerning my ineptitude in leadership in a few circumstances. Moreover, God had told me before arriving "you will be a Prophet to these people" but instead I had often tried to be what others expected (a Pastor). God had sent me there for other purposes.

But, also during that time something completely wonderful happened as well. I began to "see" the church God had sent Christ to establish with His own blood. My pain, failure, difficulty, alienation and isolation motivated me to not only seek solace and strength from God, but to open my heart to His mind, ways, desires and intentions as well. The Word of God became open to me in a way that it never had. Looking back, not only was I (in some ways) more anointed than at any time I can remember before or even since, I can honestly say that every bit of what I experienced was absolutely necessary as an indispensable preparation for what God is doing with us now. Therefore, I can honestly say with Paul: "and we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose" (Ro.8:28).

God's record of my vow was important; His grace to provide the opportunity and the strength to fulfill it were essential, and His plan was executed through a promise I sometimes wished I'd never made.

I am much (& eternally) the better for having made and kept that promise. I have yet to feel that any needed revelation eludes me. When there is a need for understanding I often receive it quickly. And this is His promise (Psa.24:3-7). Better yet, determined than ever, and feel confident in my commitments, for not only will He help me keep them, but I KNOW that I am the better for having made them (always).

Unfinished Commitment

What in the natural seemed like such a thoughtless, momentary blunder with long term consequences ended-up being God's very means of maturing and developing me. I have come to understand that those who gave me $1000 for my education had been used of God to give me so much more. They actually set me up for over 2 years of "on the job training" that taught me much more than any placement in a larger setting, or exposure to other spheres ever could. I am very grateful for the entire set of experiences: from beginning to end.

How about you? What is "unfinished" in your giving, your commitment, your integrity, your follow through? Do you need renewed faith to fulfill an outstanding promise? Do you need Him to change your mind and heart regarding a faltering or lapsing commitment? If you do, He will help you if you are willing. He will not only help you persevere in it, but He will make it the means by which you become who He designed before the world began (Eph.1:3-12).

Then you can teach and prophesy like Asaph: "Fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor Me." (Psalm 50:14-15)

Bill Click