Broken Pianos and Mending Hearts by Michelle Holderman

By Michelle Holderman

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Buried secrets. Messy truths. Sexual Abuse. Abandoned pasts. Rape. Shattered dreams. Domestic violence.  Broken hearts. Crushed spirits.
 
Perhaps some of these words apply to someone in our family. Or a friend. Or neighbor. Or someone we work with. Sit next to in church. Chat with on Facebook.
 
Or maybe they apply to us.
 
Perhaps some of us have been in hiding our whole lives about it.
 
Hiding the truth of our stories.
Hiding the scars of our souls.
 
We were never meant to live in isolation and fear. We were never meant to carry such heavy burdens alone. We were never meant to dismiss or trivialize parts of ourselves. We were never supposed to live with lifeless, hopeless, fragile hearts.
 
But it happens. All. The. Time.
 
Living in a Private Hell
 
Some have tried to share their secrets. Some have tried confiding. Some have opened up those deep, dark places only to be shut down, dismissed, or not heard. They were made to feel they were at fault, or not believed at all.
 
Ignorance, denial, and silence doesn't change the truth or help heal broken lives.
 
Many live in a private hell that no one else sees or knows about.  Some manage. Others barely get by.
 
Some try to go on living as if everything's alright. Like nothing ever happened. But it did.
 
Some try to ignore the deep visceral pain that often stirs or agitates as an ever-present reminder of what took place.
 
Some speak around the visible bruises like a pink elephant in the living room.
 
Some don't consciously remember at all but live in a physical body that does.
 
Some have worked hard to overcome their pain but still have loose ends they don't quite know what to do with.
 
How do you say it? Alive but not really living.
 
It's like trying to make beautiful music from an old broken down, discarded piano.
 
It's dusty. It's dull. It's dilapidated.
 
Many of the keys are missing. Many are stuck. It's out of tune. Out of pitch. Out of order. Harsh conditions and neglect have taken their toll. It's once vibrant sound is now totally flat.
 
Yes, it's still a piano. But it is not a fully functioning piano.
 
It's not a piano that can fully vibrate with its unique, inherent frequency. It's not a piano that can express its complete depth and range. Not a piano that can deliver what it was really designed to do.
 
It must be mended to properly play again. It must be restored to truly resonate like it was originally created to.
 
However, the piano cannot do this for itself. It's too broken. Too worn down. Too out of tune.
 
It must have help. And not just any help, but help from someone who is trained in piano restoration. Someone who knows the whole delicate process and understands what is required. Someone who loves old, broken down pianos and likes helping them return to their proper functioning and sound.
 
It's Like that With Us
 
God knows our stories.  He knows our truths.  He knows our struggles.
 
He knows our secrets too. Regardless of how painful, ugly, or messy they are.
 
Regardless of how much we've tried to keep them hidden or under the radar. He also knows the cost of living with them unhealed.
 
We aren't fully functioning. We're out of tune. Off key. Flat. Every part of us.
 
The untold pain, shame, and fear often settles in the recesses of the heart and layers of the soul. Those places might feel numb but are actually very sore and tender. And not just anybody can touch them nor should they.
 
The Father is an expert at knowing how to tend such places. He knows what delicate work it is. He knows it's painful. He also knows it's truly necessary and worthwhile. And He knows the terrain. After all, He created you.
 
He knows all the intricacies of major heart surgery. He knows how to heal broken hearts and souls. And He knows the best healing path for each person.
 
Jesus is a true healer. He heals directly Himself. He also often works through those who know how to tend pain and brokenness with the tender loving care He so desires.
 
He's got people who are trained in heart restoration. People who know the whole process and understand what is required. People who love those wounded and broken hearts in need of mending. People who like helping restore those precious hearts to their proper functioning and sound. People He works through to help heal all of the pieces - His divine healers.
 
Your Unique Sound
 
Do you realize we each have our own unique signature or sound that nobody else can mimic? It's a distinctive God-given characteristic. And no one has the right to take it from you. If your sound is diminished or totally silenced it can't ever be replaced.
 
There can never be another you. Never.
 
That silence cannot be equally replaced by another because there is no other sound like your sound. Whomever or whatever might be used to fill the void will never sound exactly the way it was intended to because it isn't your sound.
 
And the world will have lost a great gift.
 
The gift of your uniquely beautiful sound.
 
Dear Broken Hearts, Scarred Souls, and Crushed Spirits,
 
Please come out of hiding. Please know you have the right to be seen and heard. Please know you have the right to live in joy and wholeness. Please know that's exactly what God wants for you too.
 
He doesn't want to judge you or condemn you. He wants to care for you. He wants to love you the way you were always supposed to be loved. He wants to help you heal.
 
Your deep pain hurts Him deeply. It really does. You may feel like no one's ever listened to you or really seen you, but God has. He knows the truth. He knows everything. He knows what's been stolen from you. He knows the terrible injustice. He knows.
 
And guess what?
 
He adores you. He looks at you with eyes of deep compassion and true, abiding love. You are an absolute treasure to Him. He highly values and cherishes you. You mean more to Him than you even know.
 
You are His Beloved
 
So come and bring your shattered dreams. Come and breathe in His love. Come and know.
 
Know you were made for more. You are worth it. And know He will help you find someone who has His heart and is trained in His restoration process.
 
And most of all, He wants you to really know genuine love. Love that really sees you, hears you, and respects you. Love that really longs for you to be free.
 
Free to shine and be the beautiful you that He created you to be. 
 
Free to express the sound you were uniquely designed to carry.
 
Free to be the gift that you are.
 
Free to be you.
 
Michelle Holderman
 
For all of you, male or female, who have suffered any kind of abuse in your life; for all who are struggling with it; for all who are working to heal; please know you are not alone. You might feel lost but He's not lost you. God is for you. He cares deeply about you. You're on His heart and mind, and He's laid you on my heart as well. I'm praying for you, precious friends. I'm praying for you to see yourself as He sees you. You are so beautiful to Him. And He wants to help you find your way. Listen for His voice. Listen for those holy whispers. He wants to love you back to life and give you hope for your future.
 
In His Great Love,
 
Michelle

Visitor Comments (3)

Healing of the heart.

Thank you. Thank you. I am being healed. I feel other's pain. I know day I will minister Him in His Isaiah 61 full reality. Bless you in your continued writing as you have blessed others!

Broken Pianos & Mending Hearts

Hi Michelle,

Thank you so much for sharing, I needed this today. It strikes my heart...the importance of telling my story which may help heal the many hearts riddle by shame and guilt for something they did not do but is a part of a historical past.

My story is written but needs fine tuning. I know that it is what God is asking me to do, to help others, who like me have suffered the chains of generational abuses. No one needs to be that one link that continues it but the one who destroys and severs the past, by letting it go and moving on with joy and happiness in their heart.

I look forward to seeing more from you.

Thanks,

Mary

Wow

WOW now I understand what my dreams about broken worn down pianos are about. God is speaking to me about my heart. Thank you so much for taking time to write this I needed the confirmation about this.