How do we know if we really trust Jesus or not? He’s the member of the Trinity who is most like us because He knows what it’s like to live as a human. If we have a trust issue with Jesus, it will affect our relationship with those we love.
Several years ago, I felt like I had a trust issue with Jesus. So, I asked, “Jesus, do I trust you completely?” I sensed there was still hesitancy. So, I asked Him, “When is the first time this mistrust happened?”
I asked, “Jesus, is there a wall?”
He said, “Yes.”
“Will you show me?”
“Do you really want to see it now?” This time it was His voice speaking.
I said, “Yes, of course. I don’t want there to be a wall between You and me.”
Wall Of Snakes
In order to see the wall, I knew I had to close my eyes. They certainly weren’t closed long. When I saw the wall and realized why He asked that. It was an ugly, dark tangled mess of briars and vines. There were slimy snakes slithering around, poking their heads out at various times and locations. I hate snakes. To say I am scared of them is an understatement.
My eyes popped open. I physically shuddered. I asked, “How can this wall be removed?” It seemed impossible. It would take years to tunnel through. If Jesus blew it up, snakes would explode everywhere, falling all over me. If He somehow buried the wall, the snakes would crawl out of the ground.
I felt myself moving away from Jesus. Our conversation had been going so well, but now I just wanted to run away. I shook my head to try to get the image of the wall to disappear. Trust, if it was ever there, had vanished. How could I trust Jesus if I saw a wall of snakes between me and Him?
Healed, Saved, and Delivered
The inner healing coach in me said, “Ask Father God to help.” Father God is the member of the God-head I am most comfortable with and feel most protected by. So, I said, “Father God is there a way to remove this wall without everything falling on me?”
He said, “Yes, my Child, but it will take courage.”
“Father, show me what to do.”
He told me to reach out and grab the snake in the center and pull it out of the thicket by its tail. Because it was Father God, I said, “I will do this, if You help me. Will You cover my hand with Yours? Will You protect me?”
Father God and I began pulling the snake out by the tail. The minute the tail left the briars and vines, the snake and the entire wall vanished. On the other side of the wall was a beautiful, lush scene with mountains and bubbling brooks.
Standing there was Jesus, my Jesus. with His strong, muscular build, offering His arm to me. I was reminded of this verse, and I knew I was safe. “You have a strong arm; Your hand is mighty, Your right hand is exalted” (Psalms 89:13 NKJV). I understood in that moment that I was finally walking with Jesus in a place of trust.
Forgiveness
I did not want the feeling of trust to ever leave. So, I asked, “Jesus, why did I not trust You?” He showed me that I didn’t trust Him because of two incidents when I was 6 and 16 with a young man in our neighborhood. When I got reconnected with Jesus, He helped me understand that this boy was a friend who was lying and trying to manipulate me.
The beginning of healing the core of any issue is going through the process of forgiveness. In that process, the lies I am believing begin to come to light.
Without total understanding why, I began. “Jesus, I forgive Adam for misleading me about his intentions, not once but twice. I forgive him for making me believe he liked me as a person and wanted my company, when what he really wanted was sex. I forgive him for setting up fear in me and believing I can’t trust certain boys or men.”
“And I renounce the lie that You, Jesus, will mislead me. You will take me places I don’t want to go. You will put me in situations where I cannot make right choices. I renounce the lie that You say You want to get to know me, but it’s only to get me on Your side to use me for something for Your benefit. I renounce the lie that I can never trust You.”
That last lie was the main issue. None of those lies had ever surfaced in my cognitive brain, but I saw how they were governing my actions of not trusting Jesus. The next question would unveil the answer I was looking for.
What Is Your Truth?
I asked, “Jesus, what is Your truth?” As I listened to what Jesus spoke to my heart, I began to feel my connection with Him solidify. He said, “You are My bride. I want nothing more than for you to sit at My feet, lay back against me, and breathe and feel My heartbeat. My heart beats for you and for all of mankind to be in a close relationship with Me.
“Remember My eyes range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Me. (2 Chronicles 16:9 NIV). Also, remember, I see what you will be. Maybe you don’t feel fully devoted right now, but I see your heart, and I know when the rubble clears, your heart will beat with Mine.”
I never realized before how much trust and intimacy are related. Trust is related to companionship and communication. When we get married, our spouse is the one who should be our companion and the one we communicate with. If we have a disconnect with our spouse, it will definitely affect our intimacy and trust with Jesus.
Free From Fear
I am so grateful that the opposite is also true. When we trust and connect with our spouse, it will affect our intimacy with Jesus in a positive way. That truth will free us when we work towards it and fully experience it. Jesus said, “You will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you” (John 8:32 MSG).
God loves us more than we could ever imagine. He wants to set us free from fears that are keeping us from living in freedom. David cried out to God, “Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish” (Psalm 25:17 NIV).
Here is the most important thing God could ever say to us. “For I cried to Him and He answered me! He freed me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4 TLB).
Teresa Shields Parker
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