Dear Prof, one of the young people in my church youth group
is suffering in a number of ways because his parents have announced that
they're getting divorced. It is a very acrimonious split from what we
understand, although he hasn't opened up about the details. All he has said is
that he remembers reading that 'God hates divorce', and so God must now hate
his parents. What do I say to him?
There can be few things more traumatic for a young person
than to see his parents divorce. We feel
as though they never should but they often do.
Someone once asked me if grace meant that he was free to divorce his
wife? I said that grace meant he was
free to stay as well as to leave but to use grace to leave would be as sad as
to use the law to make him stay.
We cannot truly love anyone we need. Although marriages sometimes fail it doesn't
mean that divorced people are failures.
Even if the church writes them off God doesn't. It's hard enough for children to come to
terms with the fact that their parents 'hate' one another let alone having to
deal with the thought that now God 'hates' them too! He does not hate them never could and never
will.
The Difference Between Law and Grace
In Matthew's gospel the Jews test Jesus on the subject of
divorce. They hope to trap him on a
point of law just as they did with the woman caught in adultery [John 8]. They
asked him if it was lawful to divorce in any circumstances? [Matthew 19]. Jesus' answer leaves not only his would be
accusers wrong-footed but also throws the disciples of balance.
The plan was swift...If Jesus said "No" then he'd be
contradicting Moses who had made legal provision for divorce in the law
[Matthew 19:7] if he sanctioned it then he'd risk being accused of license.
Jesus' answer underscores the main difference between law
and grace. The Law is based on a
contract grace is based on covenant.
Jesus' reply speaks about the mystery of the covenant of divine union. A
covenant reflected so dimly in the mirror of earthly marriage.
The Jews protested.
Moses made provision for divorce in the law... Indeed so but this reasoned
Jesus was a concession made because of the hardness of our hearts. Men can and do break contracts but a covenant
it represents cannot be broken and thus to attempt to set aside covenant by
entering into another is adultery.
The disciples conclude that this standard is too high and it
is better to be remain single. Jesus' reply elevates the discussion once more -
this is not given to everyone only the spiritual eunuch receive such a saying.
Now contracts require mutual undertakings covenants
don't. Marriage depicts the covenant God
made with man. Even in remarriage the covenant
remains unbroken. What if the person gets remarried - isn't he or she an
adulterer? Perhaps but even so let us
not forget what Jesus said to the aforementioned adulterer "Neither do I
condemn you."
God is Love
Christianity is based on a simple premise: God is love. Get that wrong and everything else is
skewed. It seems like our young person
has been given the wrong premise about God.
The God of the Bible doesn't hate his divorcing parents. God hates the
damage that divorce will do to his parents and their loved ones.
In life we get punished by our decisions not for them; our
actions have consequences here on earth not in heaven. God doesn't even judge us, we judge ourselves
and automatically assume he does too. We project our guilt and shame on him and
so assume he is condemning and judging us when he's not.
Now whilst this young person's mother and father's feelings
for one another have obviously changed it is important to understand that God's
feelings towards them has not.
So let's spell it out once more, this young person need have
no fear that their parents might go to hell because they got divorced any more
than he or she should harbour any hope that they'd go to heaven simply because
they endured an unhappy marriage. Heaven
forbid. Grace doesn't work like that
which is just as well since that would make God a hypocrite since by his own
admission he is a divorcee or at least that is how he describes himself in
Isaiah 50:1.
Paul Anderson-Walsh
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