Broken. One of those words that
doesn't bring a lot of joy. Who wants to be broken?
Broken things. Broken bones.
Broken relationships. Broken vows. Broken homes. Broken hearts.
I assume we are all on the same
page and don't want that word to describe much, if anything, in our lives. In
fact, the only phrase with broken in it that I can think of ever wanting to use
is "broken fever."
For a while, I've tried to figure
out a different word to describe my family other than broken. Initially I
thought it was just too negative. I started trying out different descriptive
words. Wounded. Bruised. Hurting. Anything but broken.
I wanted to stand up and holler,
"We are not broken!"
But you know what? I believe we
are. And I'm realizing that that's OK. We are broken but healing. God, the
Great Physician, is fixing up all the broken parts.
Jars of Clay
A couple of things have brought
me to this conclusion. The first was reading this verse:
"But
we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power
belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;
perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down,
but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the
life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies" (2 Cor. 4:7-10).
After reading that verse, I
looked up the meaning of "jars of clay." One of the definitions said that the
jars of clay would have brought to mind a common household jar - probably
inexpensive and fairly easy to break. It would probably have cracks and chips
from being well used.
There is so much to get from this
verse, but the idea that struck me was that the brokenness of the jar of clay
allows what's inside to be seen - to flow out.
The brokenness of our lives
allows God to shine through us. Oh my goodness, that sounds like some really
syrupy sweet quote to post on Facebook. Unfortunately for all of us, I can't
think of a better way to say it.
I just know that when everything
in my world went kablooey, God was the only explanation for why I didn't
personally go kablooey. It was abundantly clear that the strength I had to move
forward came from God and God alone - "the surpassing power belongs to God and
not to us."
One of my first fears following
the shattering of my marriage was that my testimony was toast. I kept thinking
of all the people who would think we were just absolute frauds. I felt like a
fraud. Or maybe I should say I felt like I'd been defrauded. Everyone,
including me, thought we had a great marriage. How could I speak about my
relationship with God if everyone thought I hadn't been honest about my
relationship with my husband?
But God showed me my testimony
wasn't about what I could or couldn't do. My testimony is what God has done and
is still doing in my life.
And He worked mightily in those
days following the shattering. He loved me and my children through our church,
our homeschool community, our neighbors and even the city where my husband had
worked. God provided for us in amazing ways. He gave us peace and even joy in
the midst of our pain and breaking. It was Him, all Him.
Jesus Shows Through Brokenness
Just as light shows through or
water pours out of cracks in a broken pot, Jesus shows through our brokenness.
He showed through broken vows
when He gave me the strength, peace and perspective to fight for my marriage in
the face of my husband's betrayal. Believe me, it wasn't me.
He showed through the broken
relationships caused by my husband's actions when He gave our friends wisdom,
kindness, compassion and grace to pursue my husband and love him despite his
response.
He showed through our broken home
by strengthening the bond my children and I have, strengthening our faith and
gracing us with love and joy.
He showed through my broken heart
when I was able to comfort with the comfort I'd been given (2 Cor. 1:4).
I could probably think of a
million more ways God has shown through the brokenness of my life. I've seen it
in others too. My friends who have or who are battling illness - the grace they
have while suffering greatly. The way my suffering friends reach out to others
in their grief and pain. The compassion I see in my children because they
understand what it means to be loved by others while going through
difficulties. The love I see in those who have had their hearts broken but are
still willing to open up to love again.
Broken isn't a Bad Thing
So I'm thinking that maybe being
broken isn't such a bad thing.
Especially if God is allowing the
breaking, which I believe He does. If God allows it, He is going to use it. If
God allows it, He is going to bring good out of it. If God allows it, He is
going to bring us through it. If God allows it, He is going to be glorified.
All those things are good - very good.
I really am OK being referred to
as broken. I'm not a broken woman. I'm a woman broken by the Lord so that I can
be healed. And I believe that I'm much better as a healed woman than I ever was
before the breaking.
I have a long way to go, and
there is a lot of brokenness that needs to be healed.
I'm realizing this is a big
topic. One that I'm going to have to ponder more. Because it's one thing for me
to be broken and to watch God work with me toward healing. It is another thing
altogether to watch how the breaking of so much in our lives has affected my
children. That has been very very difficult for me. I'm definitely going to
have to pray about that before I share my thoughts.
I believe it's going to be me
again recognizing that I have to entrust my children to God. I have to believe
He is working good for them in all of this too.
A lot to pray about and ponder,
to be sure.
Thank you so much for being
willing to walk this path with me. For being interested in my thoughts. I pray
that they have encouraged you that no matter what way we describe our
families-whole, broken, wounded, healing-God has us, and it is good.
Sue Birdseye
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