In this fallen world, the enemy attacks relationships, and unhealthy relations can create unhealthy soul ties–an unholy dependence and connection to a person that leads to bondage.
Yet, we were each created with a deep capacity and need for a holy connection, reflecting God’s design and desire for us to be in communion with Him and community with others–healthy and holy soul ties.
Discover what unhealthy soul ties are, how they form, and how to break them off so you can live in freedom. As you tie your mind, will, and emotions to Jesus, joy will follow and equip you to establish godly boundaries out of love, creating healthy, enjoyable relationships.
What Are Unhealthy Soul Ties?
Unhealthy soul ties are formed when we act in accordance with the flesh when developing a relationship with another person. This could be any relationship formed from shame, guilt, embarrassment, pride, loneliness, doubt, or similar feelings.
Unhealthy soul ties can be formed because of a sexual relationship outside of God’s design for marriage, yet this isn’t always the case. Unhealthy soul ties develop from wounded places within us and can apply to any relationship, including friendships, relationships with family members, business partners, and people in your church community.
We’re vulnerable to forming an unhealthy soul tie when we seek connection with someone out of desperation to be needed, loved, and accepted. Imbalance and bondage occur when we place a relationship or person above our relationship with God.
5 Signs of Unhealthy Bonding
The soul is made up of our mind, will, and emotions. Therefore, an unhealthy soul tie is formed when our mind, will, and emotions are tied to or directed by anyone or anything other than the Holy Spirit.
Do you find yourself making any of the following statements? If so, there are likely unhealthy soul ties that the Lord wants to break off of you…
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I dwell on and think about someone or something in my past, evoking a strong emotional response that can lead to shame, regret, loneliness, doubt, unbelief, or similar feelings.
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My emotions and feelings depend on and change based on another person’s happiness or contentment.
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The relationship I have with this person causes me stress and anxiety.
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I want to be free from feelings of doubt and hopelessness regarding a particular relationship.
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I feel responsible for this person’s success, happiness, and growth.
Where Do These Toxic Bonds Come From?
As mentioned above, unhealthy soul ties are formed when our mind, will, and emotions are tied to or directed by anyone or anything other than the Holy Spirit.
As children, we learn how to relate to others from authority figures in our lives, often our parents and grandparents. If generational curses are present, dysfunctional relationship patterns can be passed down.
The enemy will twist situations and words spoken to us in the past and our formative childhood years, creating a voice that says, “If this person or situation were that way, then I would be happy, joyful, blessed, and content.”
But God’s Word tells Us differently…
“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13
Pause and consider the messages and words spoken over your life. Trust that God sees every detail of your story. Your wounds and pain matter to Him.
Refuse a victim mentality and believe in God’s heart to bring healing that releases you from the burden of unhealthy patterns and painful memories. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal messages that later birthed unhealthy soul ties.
We Have a Choice to Whom We Are Tied
Healthy relationships are opportunities for us to pour out God’s glory, joy, and blessings into the lives of others. He wants us to partner with Him and be united to Him so that we are a light in the darkness.
He wants us tied to Him so we can be fully transformed in His love and empowered for our purpose.
In Hosea, God promises to betroth Himself to Israel forever (Hosea 2:19). Some translations say, “I will bind you to Myself forever.” This is God’s heart for covenant attachment with Israel, and as people grafted in, we share in this beautiful inheritance and communion with God.
When we are bound to God in love, we can receive the emotional, spiritual, and physical nourishment and consolation we need. Out of this overflow, we can love and relate to others.
The enemy is terrified of us being united with God and receiving from Him, so he pours out shame, guilt, doubt, unbelief, regrets, and what-if statements. He reminds us of past hurts and pains and makes us think that if we could accomplish something in our flesh, it would set something right in our past.
But Yeshua, Jesus, is the only one who can heal our past. He tells us not to dwell on the former things because He doesn’t hold them against us (see Isaiah 43:18-19 and Hebrews 8:12)!
When we come into agreement with the lies from the enemy, we start to find ways, in our own strength, to compensate for…
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Shame
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Guilt
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Doubt
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Unbelief
… rather than taking our thoughts captive, pausing, and asking God to remind us of our new identity in Him and who we are to Him.
The enemy wants us tied to anyone or anything other than the Lord. We defeat the lies by drawing closer to God, not by running away from Him.
The Spiritual Warfare Side of Soul-Ties
There can be many spiritual strongholds related to soul ties, but some of the most prominent involve the spirits of fear, rejection, and manipulation.
The spirit of rejection often operates with the spirit of fear, creating vulnerability to becoming a people pleaser. This can lead to unhealthy attachments or dependencies on another person.
Example: You may feel the desire to please someone no matter what out of fear of being rejected by them.
The spirit of manipulation can cause unhealthy bonds between the oppressed person and those they relate with. It seeks to control and is often dominating.
Example: You feel like you need this person’s approval in everything you do.
The common thread in unhealthy soul ties and the demonic oppression that goes with it is you do not feel free in the relationship.
The demonic realm always preys upon human pain and creates strongholds in places that have not been concreted to God. By exposing ourselves to and understanding the spiritual implications of soul ties, we are more equipped to receive full victory and freedom.
An Example of How Unhealthy Bonds Form
An example of how unhealthy soul ties are formed would be a girl who learned as a child that serving others was the key to acceptance. This could be either a said or unsaid message from her parent. The “servant mindset” became her identity.
Though the parent may have never intended for this, the enemy twisted words and situations, and the girl became a woman whose identity was in what she could do rather than who she was in Jesus.
It was a counterfeit identity, a lie that the woman began operating out of when developing relationships. She believed the lie that if she could…
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Serve more
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Be busier
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Work harder
…then she would be accepted and loved.
As a result, she attracted men and friends who used and abused the relationship. She grew bitter, hopeless, and depressed.
For healing to begin, she needs to identify the unhealthy soul ties in her life and break free from them. Then, she needs to replace the lie with the truth.
How to Break Free
Take every thought captive and give it to God. His Spirit will identify the soul tie.
The lie: Don’t take this matter to God. Just take care of it yourself. You can handle it. And act quickly.
The truth: “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,” 2 Corinthians 10:5
Repent.
The lie: Don’t give this matter to God. Don’t turn to Him and admit you were wrong or that you are sorry. When you are wrong, then you are condemned.
The truth: “Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord,” Acts 3:19
Forgive.
The lie: Don’t forgive those who hurt you. They don’t deserve it, and neither do you. Work harder to try to undo the hurt you’ve experienced and to keep the relationship with this person.
The truth: “… bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” Colossians 3:13
Trust in the Lord.
The lie: Look at your situation and your relationships. You can’t trust God. How has trusting in Him helped you?
The truth: “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3
Keep surrendering.
The lie: Don’t fully let go of this situation. Keep some control. If you let it all go, you will have a mess on your hands.
The truth: “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” James 4:7-10
Prayer of Deliverance
Here’s an example of what you can pray when breaking an unhealthy soul tie:
Dear Abba Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit,
I bring my heart to you to be restored in full union with you in my mind, will, and emotions. I am bound to You and You alone, and I break agreement with any strongholds now in Yeshua’s name. I break any and all unhealthy soul ties [name them if there is a specific person] and break any bridge in the spirit connecting me to another person in unholy ways.
I break agreement with any demonic principality that has set a stronghold in this unhealthy attachment [name it, as the Holy Spirit reveals it], and I send it to the throne of Jesus for judgment. I break agreement with all lies. Thank You for setting me free in the Truth. I forgive those who have hurt me and release all bitterness. I choose to take my thoughts captive and surrender myself to You in full trust.
Thank You that I am bound to You in love and holiness and that there is nothing but the cross of Jesus and the love of God between me and any other person.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
Stepping into Freedom
The Word of God separates bone from marrow. His Spirit can and will reveal to you how to move forward. He will equip you to establish healthy relationships and boundaries, providing wisdom and discernment.
Keep asking Him to reveal the places in your heart that need to be cleansed by the blood of Jesus. Continue to give your wounded places over to Him for healing, trusting Him as your source of life, love, and restoration.
Taking back territory and becoming whole-hearted is a process. Don’t give up! God is with you every step, drawing you closer, and steadily bringing you to the renewal and new life He has promised.
Curt Landry
