School of Creating, Control. Many of us, myself included, have wrestled with control issues. We love the feeling that all is well because we’ve done a good job of ordering our lives. The problem is that having control is the opposite of trusting God.
The Gospel of Matthew invites us into a story about a mom who wanted the best for her two sons. Who can blame her? I can sure relate—can you? Her two wonderful sons, James and John, were followers of Jesus, and their mama was proud of her boys! She approached Jesus with what I imagine she thought was a wonderful request; she asked if her two sons could sit at the right and left hand of God in the kingdom to come.
Personally, I feel Jesus had a soft spot for moms who meant well but, at times, were too pushy. However, Jesus answered that her request wasn’t possible. Jesus told the two sons they didn’t know what they were asking and asked if they felt they could drink from the cup of suffering that He was going to drink from.
The other disciples overheard the conversation, and they felt indignant. They were ticked at their friends who wanted more control and power than was rightfully theirs. And they were likely ticked at the mama who was trying to push her kids forward.
Jesus then went on to say, “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave” (Matthew 20:26–27).
This story offers us three invitations:
Bow your ambition at the feet of Jesus. Ambition isn’t inherently bad. However, it becomes a force for destruction when it costs you what matters most—especially in the realm of relationships. Too often, I have seen ambition ruin family life as one parent or the other runs hard after success. It can also rob us of deep friendships. Those who are the most ambitious are usually the busiest. As a result, they don’t have time to enjoy rich friendships. Eventually, though, they are left with loneliness and regret. Practice laying all your dreams at the feet of Jesus daily. Ask Him what the priorities of your life should be.
Surrender control and trust that God will do what’s best. This is a big one! When we wrestle with control, we micromanage relationships. The mother in the story with Jesus was basically trying to control what would happen to her sons. Control issues can show up as perfectionism, over-functioning, or difficulty resting. Jesus invites us to surrender control to Him and rest, trusting that He knows best.
Run after relationships rather than achievement. Proverbs 28:11 offers us wise advice: “The rich are wise in their own eyes; one who is poor and discerning sees how deluded they are.” Solomon wasn’t saying it’s wrong to be rich. What’s wrong is valuing riches and achievements more than people. It’s good to pause and reflect on how you want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as one who loved Jesus and loved others well.
As I have reflected on this story, I have wondered how the mother’s request impacted the dynamics of the friend group. Scripture tells us the other disciples were indignant. Don’t you wonder how they moved on from this? I would have loved to be in the shadows as the other disciples processed their feelings. The lessons for you and me are to bow our ambition at the feet of Jesus, surrender control, and run after relationships rather than achievements.
Becky Harling
